


Making Sense of It All

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Souls Intertwined [2]
Category: Chicago Fire, House M.D.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Forgiveness, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mention of Dibala Arc, Mistaken Identity, Unhealthy Relationships, Voight Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Now the brothers are reunited, they try to help each other through grief, depression and the general chaos that is Life.
Relationships: Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey/Gabriela Dawson, Matthew Casey/Hallie Thomas, Robert Chase & Chi Park, Robert Chase & Eric Foreman
Series: Souls Intertwined [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544563
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	1. I Am Not My Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: in this AU, Chicago and Princeton are about four hours apart by car. I gave up trying to make the real distance work in the story so decided to fudge the geography instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The twins are back! We've moved past House canon so everything with Chase is firmly AU and there will be some changes to Chicago Fire canon. I've put dates at the beginnings of chapters to try and keep timelines clear and I hope to show how the two brothers influence each other.  
Unbeated so let me know if you spot anything.  
Thanks for reading!  
:D

October 2012

Eager to help out his brother in light of the threats from a corrupt police detective, Robert had taken a week off and gone down to Chicago. He wasn’t a lawyer or police officer, but he could cook semi-decently and having someone to talk to who wasn’t your SO could be comforting.

Matt didn’t like to worry the people he loved but something about their involuntary separation, different but similarly hard childhood and their uncanny appearance made it easier to confide in each other. Robert privately theorized that – myths about psychic twins aside – there was an extra layer in their relationship, some deeper understanding he’d never experienced before. He’d never brought it up with Matt but thought his brother felt it too.

So Robert was coming out of the local bodega, shopping bag swinging, staring at his phone, when something knocked it out of his hand. The punch followed before he could react and he staggered. His eyes focused enough to make out two figures before they came at him again. Robert had received basic training every ER doctor was given to subdue psyche patients; that did nothing to help him against two clear-minded opponents who’d already rung his bell. He went down embarrassingly quickly and could only cry out and curl into a ball as they kicked him.

It took a few minutes for him to realize they’d stopped. Panting and moaning, he peeked out from behind the arm protecting his head. Though his vision was fuzzy, it looked like they’d gone. Cautiously, he uncurled, trying to contain his whines of pain.

“Hey man, you okay?”

Robert made it to his knees, hand automatically going to his aching side as he looked up at the speaker. It was a college kid, his friend beside him with her phone out.

“Want us to call an ambulance?”

Robert swallowed down the blood in his throat and pulled himself up with the man’s help.

“Nah, I think I’m okay.”

The woman looked sceptical. “You can’t drive yourself.”

“Yeah, you could have internal bleeding.” The man added.

Robert bit back the urge to argue. The idea of pulling up his shirt to check for the tell-tale bruising made him nauseous but he didn’t feel that much pain and he really didn’t want to be picked up by an ambulance in his brother’s district.

“I’ll call my brother, he’ll drive me. Have you seen my phone?”

They helped him with it and the woman, Sophie, insisted they stay with him until help arrived. Andy, the man, tried to make small talk, interested in going to Australia; Robert barely managing to keep from snapping. Luckily, Sophie could read people better than friend and she shushed him.

Robert had tried to downplay his injuries over the phone but even the admission of needing help getting to the hospital was clue enough for Matt. Robert was too exhausted and annoyed to enjoy Sophie and Andy’s faces as they watched Matt climb out of his truck. The set of Matt’s shoulders meant trouble, Robert thought blankly as his brother came within speaking range.

“What happened?”

“Got jumped by two guys.”

Matt looked around urgently, as if they might still be lurking.

“Didn’t take anything though.” Robert admitted reluctantly, knowing Matt’s hard expression only worsened the trouble levels.

Matt visibly pushed down the no doubt murderous rage to help Robert into his truck, having the self-control to thank Sophie and Andy even after noticing Robert’s limp.

The two brothers were quiet during the drive over: Matt deep in thought, Robert trying not to throw up. He couldn’t remember hitting his head so it was probably from the pain and shock.

At the hospital, things got fuzzy. People were saying things, Hallie appeared – her worry clouded with something else. Robert managed to file the expression away to puzzle over later. Matt stayed with him as Hallie checked him out, but he must have ducked out at some point as Detective Dawson came in to take Robert’s statement.

He wished he could be more helpful but he didn’t have much info for the detective to go on. At one point Matt snapped at Dawson to go easy on him and Robert wished he could laugh without his ribs screaming at him.

“Matt, why don’t you go update the Chief?” Robert suggested.

Matt looked around to see some members of truck at the observation window with Boden. Swallowing, he took the hint and after an apologetic glance to Dawson, left the room. The detective asked a few more questions and then promised to get back to him with any updates.

“I’m more worried about what Matt is going to do.” Hallie muttered.

Robert grimaced. “I’ll talk to him.”

He looked at her fingers fidgeting nervously and offered. “Hey, if things get too intense here, you can always come and stay with me until the deposition.”

Hallie blinked. “Oh, uh, thanks Robert.”

Matt came back and refused Robert’s suggestions that he and Hallie go home. Hallie went to see about speeding up the CT scan, giving Robert the opportunity to remind Matt.

“You’re supposed to be the good twin.”

“Huh?”

“That look of yours, whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it.”

Matt smoothed his expression though the glint in his eyes remained. “I can’t sit back and let him hurt my family.”

“Can’t protect us from jail though, can you?”

Still angry, but calm enough to hear Robert’s reasoning, Matt nodded reluctantly.

“Best thing you can do is be alive and free to testify.”

Matt sighed and went to sit next to the bed. “He can’t get away with this.”

“He won’t. He’ll make a mistake and Dawson will nail him.”

Matt managed a tired smile. “Yeah.”

They sat in companionable silence until Hallie came back to take Robert for his CT scan.

…

There were still some desk lamps on, bent heads over scattered papers and coffee cups, but the atmosphere was heavy and sluggish. Robert limped with purpose, having received directions from the sympathetic Lieutenant on reception. Voight was in his office, talking on the phone. Robert lingered outside the door and merely nodded when the detective looked up and saw him.

Voight concluded the call and waved him in. “Dr. Chase, what can I do for you at this late hour?”

Robert limped in and sat down. “I look like my brother, but I’m not him.”

Voight cocked his head, still playing innocent. Fine.

“When my adoptive mother died, I was 15. My dad wasn’t around and I got sent to live with my aunt, who really didn’t want me living with her impressionable daughter. I was so angry at everyone and I tried to cope with it in the typical teenage way: drink, drugs, girls.”

Voight’s eyes darted over Robert’s face.

“The only thing my dad was good for was his money and influence. If I ran out, he’d send more. If I got in trouble with the police, he’d settle it.”

Voight shifted, expression hardening.

“It wasn’t until I ran away, ended up in a hospital bed that I realized how much I’d depended on him, how irresponsible and stupid and vulnerable I was.”

“Alright, I get it-”

But the familiar bitter rage had built too much; Robert wasn’t done. “I almost died because I was spiralling and he let me, he _funded it_, when he should have been showing me how to deal with my grief.”

Venom spat out of Voight’s mouth. “You don’t know me or my son.”

“No, I don’t, but I’ve been where he is and if he doesn’t learn how to live without you, how to deal with his anger and grief soon, he never will. He’ll die-”

Voight stood. “Get out!”

Robert pulled himself up. “Prison is Hell, but the people who get through it are the ones who have people waiting for them, the ones who have a purpose, something to strive for-”

“I won’t tell you again.” Voight growled.

Robert nodded and went for the door.

“Think about it.” He finished, before walking stiffly away.

...

Robert contemplated calling in sick that Monday, but then realized one day wouldn’t make much difference to the stiffness of his abdomen and bruising on his face. He gamely swallowed some pills, applied a modest amount of foundation and limped into work. Park and Adams overreacted, as he hoped they wouldn’t.

“Oh my God! What happened to you?” Adams gasped.

“Are you in a fight club?” Park asked semi-seriously.

“Aren’t you a little young to know about that movie?” He tried to deflect.

“I read the book.” She countered, but didn’t let herself be distracted for long. “And this,” she waved at his face, “is a classic sign.”

Adams frowned thoughtfully. “No, not a fight club. You made a move on someone who had a boyfriend.”

Offended, despite knowing her assumption came more from her bias than her perception of his character, Robert glared.

“It’s none of your business what happened.”

Adams crossed her arms, jaw working as she took this as an admission of guilt. Park wrinkled her brow but before she could speak, Robert dove straight into the DDX and it was thankfully dropped, for the moment.

Pleased with his foresight of buying lunch before coming into work, Robert was eating a sandwich in his office when the door swung open. Foreman watched a little piece of lettuce drip from Robert’s mouth as he looked up almost guiltily. Awkwardly, he put the sandwich down as Foreman shut the door and raised an eyebrow.

“So the rumor is that you broke up a marriage over the weekend.”

Robert blinked and guessed. “Rich, bored housewife?”

Foreman hummed the affirmative. “Ex-model too.”

“Were there kids involved?”

“Oh yeah, one of them kneed you in the nuts: that’s why you’re limping.”

“Huh, it’s funny what nurses will come up with.”

“To think, you could have saved someone from getting mugged.” Foreman shook his head. “That’s what you get for sleeping your way through most of the nursing staff.”

Robert swallowed, seeing his boss’ gaze harden.

“I’m not sure I like the real reason any more.”

Fighting not to give anything away, Robert still felt his jaw drop a little when Foreman continued. “Getting mixed up in your brother’s feud with a cop isn’t exactly smart.”

“How could you possibly know about that?” Robert asked, trying to run through anyone who Foreman could have tapped for information.

“I had the lawyers look up anything in police or public records with your brother’s name on it, wasn’t hard to get the story.”

“Pretty sure that’s illegal.” Robert countered numbly.

Foreman shrugged. “It’s not and considering the amount of grief getting involved in your brother’s life has given you, I don’t think it’s too unreasonable for me to want to keep an eye on any interesting developments in Chicago.”

Robert just stared for a moment, before defending his brother. “He was there for me when House was in prison, when House died, he’s supported me through all of it.”

Foreman was unmoved and Robert’s temper flared. “He’s my family and if you hadn’t noticed I don’t have a lot of that left.”

“I’m just worried about how this could affect you.” He coughed. “Your job performance.”

Anger dissipating, Robert felt a ball of warmth blossom inside him. Smiling a little, he replied hoarsely. “This won’t reflect badly on the department, or the hospital.”

Foreman coughed, avoiding his gaze as he answered formally. “See that it doesn’t.”

He nodded once and then strode out, leaving Robert to look down at his sandwich and let his grin linger.

A week later Voight was in custody and Matt testified. Robert didn’t know if his talk had made any difference, probably not, but maybe now Voight’s son was going to jail, Voight would move past his anger and be able to support him. He hoped so for both their sakes.

He never told Matt about it, just enjoyed seeing his brother’s smile.


	2. When We Were Young

December 2012

Thankful that the bruises on his face had all but disappeared, Robert descended the plane stairs and didn’t even try to hide his joy at the familiar wave of heat that washed over him. He heard some tourists complaining and felt a little glad his years away hadn’t changed his constitution. Immigration took as long as he remembered, but the energy buzzing under his skin just sent his mind into overdrive. His eyes swept over the room, taking everything in and his ears pricked at the familiar cadences and accent.

Once he was through, he was looking for the taxi rank when a woman waved at him. She was standing back from the Arrivals area, a little shorter than him, blond, wearing big round sunglasses, shorts and a nice shirt. She had a large coffee cup in one hand, the other was fiddling absent-mindedly with the zipper on her handbag. He hadn’t seen her in years but it was undoubtedly his little sister.

His heart swelled and he had to blink fiercely. As he got closer, he saw the heavy make-up and his chest constricted as he realized she was probably hungover. Deciding not to comment, he simply greeted her warmly, stopping just shy of her.

“Maddy! I didn’t know you were coming!”

“Well actually I’m just here to meet one of my girlfriends.”

His mouth opened a little but she just laughed. “You silly bastard, get in here!”

She threw her arms around him and Robert laughed wetly back, hugging her properly. Maddy hummed, tucking her head into his chest. “Missed you.” She mumbled and he had to swallow before answering.

“Missed you too.”

They pulled back and she put a hand on his cheek, asking in a strange voice. “What happened to you?”

He frowned; he’d been sure the bruises weren’t visible anymore. “Nothing.”

Her lips pulled into a smile. “You look…good. You’ve aged better than me. Come on.”

She took his hand and lead him to her car. As she got it started, she slipped her shades off and Robert gasped.

“Someone hit you?”

Lip twisting, she glanced at him. “I fell.”

He wasn’t having any of that. “I know a bruise from a punch when I see one.”

She sighed, pulling out of the parking lot as she explained. “I got into a fight with my ex’s new girlfriend. But she started it!”

Robert listened with a familiar worry as she told him about finally admitting she needed help, going to AA, breaking up with her enabler boyfriend, their mutual friends finding out about her alcoholism, how that had affected her friendships, moving back in with her aunt and trying to make of a go of it until she’d run into the dog her ex was apparently dating.

“I just…” She ended with a growl. “I don’t need some skank judging _me_!”

Barely seeing the view outside, Robert said quietly. “Maddy. I’m sorry.”

She blinked, brow wrinkled, and he felt like he was a failing med student again, barely able to keep awake for class and dodging his aunt’s and his little sister’s calls; a real dropkick who should just crawl into a hole and die.

His voice was hoarse as he went on. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, that I didn’t come home when you needed me.”

Her eyebrows lowered and her jaw set. Without a word, she pulled into the first parking spot she saw and turned off the engine. She unbuckled, opened her door and signaled that he should get out too. Robert swallowed, following suit and walking around until he was standing in front of her. But the tirade didn’t come.

Instead she took his face in her hands, her fingers trembling, face white. “No, _I’m_ sorry.”

It was his turn to be confused. She went on. “I shouldn’t have put that on you.”

“I’m your brother-”

“You were a kid when mum was spiraling and you had to raise me and look after her all on your own. It was wrong of me to expect you to save me from myself when I started to go the same way.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” He argued, voice still weak.

“I know, but it wasn’t yours either. And it wasn’t your responsibility.”

His father’s voice echoed in his head and he had to close his eyes, trying to force it out. “I could have helped.”

“Robbie, look at me.” He did and found her eyes soft and shining. She took in a deep breath. “I wrote this whole speech so don’t interrupt, okay?”

He nodded as much as he could with her hands still framing his face. “I want to thank you for raising me, for protecting me from mum and for pretending dad gave a shit about us.”

Despite himself, tears started spilling down his cheeks as he watched her start to cry too. “For reading to me at night and brushing my hair and socking Gerry Logan on the nose for being rude to me. I spent too long throwing myself the world’s shittiest pity party when I should I have been calling you at Christmas and coming to see you and God! going to your wedding! I can’t believe I was such a bitch and didn’t turn up.”

“Mads…”

“Shush, shut up, shut up, let me finish.” She chastised him laughingly. “I love you and I said horrible things to you and you didn’t deserve any of it and I hope you can forgive me. Please, Robbie. Please know that I’m sorry.”

He sobbed and pulled her into another hug, fiercer and more desperate than before. They both cried for a few minutes, clinging tightly to each other under the baking sun.

“I love you too.” He managed after a while, still holding her. “And I’m still sorry.”

She elbowed him in the ribs, but not very hard. “Just say you forgive me so I can cross you off my list.” She half-joked, squeezing him tighter.

Taking in a deep breath, he obliged. “I forgive you, if you forgive me. And I want _you_ to know that I’m here now, even when I’m in the US I’m just a phone call away.”

Maddy sniffed, pulled away and stuck out her hand. “You got yourself a deal. Same goes for me.”

They shook and then chuckled a little as they wiped their faces. Some of Maddy’s makeup came off and her black eye looked worse for it. Robert cringed and Maddy huffed.

“Come on, Aunt Julie’s got an espresso machine. You can tell me about your super successful medical career and new family you got somehow.”

Feeling like he was dreaming, Robert smiled.

…

Two months later, that feeling was topped: sitting in Matt’s kitchen across from his biological mother definitely ranked as one of the most surreal moments of Robert’s life. He’d gone to the hearing – though hadn’t thought he’d had the right to speak – and had accompanied Matt to pick her up, yet he still couldn’t believe he was there. The three of them were drinking tea, Matt and Nancy looking as awkward as Robert felt. This made him feel a little better – until Nancy asked suddenly.

“Have you considered changing your name?”

Robert blinked. “Uh…”

“Mom.” Matt tried.

Robert held up a hand and forced his lips to turn upwards. “No, I’m too used to ‘Chase’ and I think changing it would raise questions I don’t really want to answer.”

His mother nodded slowly before saying. “You know we were going to call you John. After my father.”

The twins stared at her, before Matt coughed pointedly. Nancy sighed. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now.”

Robert looked down at his half-empty cup, wishing for something stronger. _No_, he thought furiously, _stop it_.

“What was he like? Your dad?” He forced himself to ask.

Nancy’s expression softened. “Stern and hardworking, but loving. He didn’t approve of your father. ‘Why can’t you marry a nice American boy?’, he asked me.”

Matt shifted uncomfortably, though Robert spied a spark of curiosity in his eyes.

“That’s right, he was Czech as well. How did you meet?”

Nancy told them the story of her inter-rail trip with a friend after college; how they’d met Greg and Rowan; Greg romancing Nancy by taking her to Montparnasse in Paris and sharing joints by the river.

“Mom!” Matt gasped.

“What?” Nancy shrugged, though her cheeks were glowing a little. “I was young and in love!”

“Just because you’re a square.” Robert teased Matt, who stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

Nancy beamed at them.

“I helped him get a work VISA over here and we got married soon after he settled. My father came around eventually, before he died.” She took a sip of tea, eyes clouding.

Robert turned to Matt. “Have you never left Chicago?”

Matt frowned. “I’ve been places.”

“In the States.” Robert guessed.

Matt puffed up his chest and boasted mock-indignantly. “Hey, I’ll have you know the US of A is the best country in the world. There’s no need to go anywhere else.”

Robert laughed and elbowed him. “I’ll take you to Aus sometime, show you some real culture.”

Over Matt’s eye roll, Nancy asked. “You do have US nationality, don’t you?”

“Yes, I’ve dual nationality: US and Aussie.”

Nancy smiled, before asking faux-airily. “And how’s your other sister?”

Robert cleared his throat.

“She’s doing well. I saw her when I went back at Christmas.” He glanced at Matt, forcing a smile. “We skyped this one. She just about fell about laughing at Matt’s terrible Christmas jumper.”

Matt rolled his eyes good-naturedly and complained. “I couldn’t wear board shorts like you, could I? Made me jealous of their BBQ when we were having a snowstorm.”

“Well, give her my love.” Nancy said automatically.

Robert twitched his head forward and Nancy excused herself.

Matt glanced at Robert and asked lowly. “Have you heard from her since?”

Robert sighed. “A little. It’s a hard road, but she’s got support so…fingers crossed.”

Matt squeezed his brother’s shoulder and laughed when Robert asked. “Oh yeah, did you burn the jumper like she suggested?”

Later, Robert was trying not to fall asleep in front of a hockey game Matt insisted on putting on. He was fully woken by their mother trying to leave the house, dressed to the nines. Seeing Matt was getting irritated, Robert stepped in.

“You look lovely, Nancy.” He kissed her cheek. “Don’t do anything Matt wouldn’t do.”

She smiled and waggled her fingers in a wave. “No promises.”

Matt opened his mouth but Robert glared until Nancy had left. Matt pointed at the door. “Why did you let her go out with some guy she doesn’t even know?”

Robert raised his hands in placation. “One: she does know him. Two: she’s a grown woman. Three: She’s just been released from prison-”

“Exactly! She has a curfew, what if-”

“Matt, you’re not her keeper, you’re just giving her a place to live.” Matt pressed his lips together for a beat, allowing Robert to go on. “I spent a lot of my childhood trying to keep my mother from drinking, until I learned that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.”

Matt let out a long breath.

“Do you want me to stay until she gets back?”

Matt waved off the offer. “No, you need to get back.”

“Not what I asked.” Robert quipped even as he put his jacket on.

Matt’s lips turned up ruefully and they hugged.

“Call me if you need anything.”

On the drive back to Princeton, Robert wondered when he’d become to kind of person to give unsolicited advice; when he’d gotten to know Matt so well as to see what he was thinking and calm him down. Suddenly, he missed House with refreshed intensity. He wanted a sardonic comment to support or oppose his theory; he craved the firm acknowledgement, the sure wisdom that House always seemed to exude.

Sadly, he contemplated a lifetime of trying to find that kind of conviction again.

Well, at least he had Matt for everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any real Australians see any errors with my use of slang, please let me know!  
‘silly bastard’= an affectionate term  
‘dropkick’ = total loser/lazy, waste of space  
‘dog’ = ugly woman


	3. A Heavy Heart

May 2013

Sometimes, Severide felt like there was a wall between him and Casey. Ever since Andy had died, he couldn’t get close to Matt even when he was touching him. It was partly his fault…alright, mostly his fault but even after his anger and grief had faded, there was still this distance he couldn’t cross.

He was pondering this as he watched Casey and his brother out of the corner of his eye. Although they were identical, that day the difference was obvious. No one could match the look of bleak devastation on Casey’s face as they lowered Hallie into the ground.

Robert put a hand on his brother’s shoulder; he had bags under his eyes but was otherwise perfectly stoic. Casey’s lips trembled and his head dropped forward. Robert pulled him into a hug and Severide looked away, fighting the urge to rip into Robert for making Matt look weak in public.

Casey hated nothing more than people seeing him anything less than perfectly put together and his own brother should know that. Resentment congealed in his heart, warring with the echoes of Casey’s grief. The cry rent from Casey’s lips at the hospital still haunted him; almost as much as the sight of Mills taking his place when his own body had frozen.

He was still reliving that moment when Robert found him at the wake.

“Matt’s going to stay with me for a while.” He said.

Severide nodded, he’d already heard.

“When he comes back, he’s still going to need support.” Robert continued pointedly.

Severide bristled at the implication but bit his tongue. “He’ll have it.”

Robert nodded before he stole a glance across the room, lowering his voice.

“And keep an eye on Dawson, would you?”

Severide frowned, prompting him to explain. “I don’t like the way she looks at him: like she’s judging how long before she can jump him.”

“Hey,” Severide defended her, “she’s a good friend.”

Robert shrugged. “I’m not saying she isn’t, but she has a thing for him and he’s going to be vulnerable for a while.”

Severide opened his mouth but Robert held a hand up, sighing. “Just…you’ll look out for him?”

“I know we haven’t been close lately, but I’m always there for him.” Severide promised, despite not knowing if he knew how to be.

Robert scrutinized him for another moment before nodding and shaking his hand. “Thanks.”

Severide watch him guide Matt through saying his goodbyes and out to the car; his body vibrated with the anticipation of his friend’s return. When Matt did come back, Severide knew he had to be ready.

…

The brothers didn’t talk much in the three days after the funeral; Robert not sure what to say, Matt seemingly unable to. He’d cried a few times but hadn’t said anything coherent. On Day Four, Robert called in sick and took Matt to a Monster Car Derby, thinking maybe the unfamiliar and high energy setting would jolt him out of his funk. There was also something visceral and cathartic about watching cars destroy each other. Matt didn’t react much at the beginning but after a hot dog and an explosion, a spark was lit in his eyes.

“This is so dumb.” He commented as he closely followed the progress of a particularly big car.

“House used to love these.” Robert shouted over the roar of the crowd before cheering along as the big one drove straight over another truck. Matt joined in too, even waving the clacker Robert had bought for an extortionate price at the arena shop. After that he seemed to be having a mildly good time so Robert continued to Phase 2.

“Want to ride in one?”

Matt hesitated before shaking his head and chuckling. “Why not?”

The events coordinator hadn’t remembered House, but some green bills were enough to convince him to let Matt and Robert ride in the back as one of the drivers drove around the track after the main event. Matt was perhaps a bigger adrenaline-junkie than Robert – who only dabbled in extreme sports – so he was grinning widely, telling the driver to do wheelies and doughnuts. When they were back on solid ground, Matt pulled Robert into a fierce hug and Robert could feel his brother’s muscles quivering.

“Thanks, man.” He said thickly as he pulled away.

Robert socked him on the shoulder. “Anytime.”

That weekend they escaped the city and went to a lake where Adams’ family conveniently had a lake house no one was currently using. The cabin had a satellite phone – the only reason Foreman had granted Robert a week’s leave – though Robert trusted his team to carry on without him, Foreman didn’t.

It was still a little cold out on the lake but they wrapped up warm and ventured out anyway. Half-freezing – he’d still kept his Aussie temperament after all – Robert grouchily hoped the effort would be worth it. Then he saw Matt’s relaxed expression and couldn’t help his own smile.

They had a lot of slow, peaceful days and long, pondering conversations in the evenings. The time away from civilization seemed to have loosened Matt’s need to remain controlled and had also given Robert time to think. He found himself remembering House more and more.

When his boss had died, Robert had grieved but it hadn’t been as intense as losing either of his parents. At the time he’d put that down to his extensive experience with loss hardening his heart as well as Matt’s steady presence softening any pain he did feel.

Now, he considered that perhaps he hadn’t actually grieved at all; that some part of his brain was still denying that House had died. There hadn’t been a body to bury. In Robert’s head, House was out in the world somewhere; riding around on his motorcycle, antagonizing and helping people in equal measure.

Did he really want to let go of that fantasy? It wasn’t like it was hurting anyone. He wanted to talk to someone about it, but thought it’d be cruel to mention it to Matt, who’d carried Hallie’s body out of the fire, desperately trying to save her. So instead he listened to Matt’s stories about her, his regrets and anger and love mingling with the hatred for the men that had killed her.

They returned to Princeton and Matt stayed another two weeks, still recovering his emotional strength. Finally, he felt ready and Robert drove him back, trying to ignore the regret that his apartment would be empty once again.

Once in Chicago, he checked in with Severide, who he still hadn’t forgiven for treating Matt so horribly after Andy’s death, but knew would step up now. Sure enough, Severide was prepared to keep an eye on his friend and Robert returned to Princeton feeling reassured, if a little lonely.

…

Despite Robert’s misgivings over Dawson, he didn’t protest when his brother started a relationship with her. It had been a respectful amount of time since Hallie’s death and it didn’t seem like Dawson had pushed Matt into anything. Although the weeks of holding his brother as he sobbed and cried out with anger were still fresh in his memory, he knew that Matt’s pain had scarred over. He was resilient like that, never lingering if he could help it; not like Robert, who brooded silently to himself for years.

The attraction between the two was mutual so all Robert had against it was his dislike of Dawson – but that was _his _problem. One night when he was over in Chicago, having a drink in Molly’s, he flagged Severide down and discreetly asked for his take.

Severide shrugged. “They seem happy.”

Robert just looked at him, unimpressed at the level of analysis.

“What? Me and Casey don’t get involved in each other’s love lives.”

Robert swallowed down a comment about sexual tension and took another sip of beer. Then Otis and Cruz called Robert over to settle some argument they were having about which diet was worse for your body: Atkins or Raw foods. They were different from Robert’s usual crowd, but the members of 51 had their charms.

The first sign of trouble in Matt’s relationship was Dawson’s desire to become a firefighter.

“She didn’t take my advice and speak to any female firefighters before deciding.” Matt complained over the phone, still irritated from heated words with his girlfriend.

Half-reading a CV – Adams had given her notice and Robert was having a hard time finding a replacement – he replied: “Did you really expect her to? I thought she was a free-spirit. An act first-think later type.”

That gave Matt pause. “Well, she’s like that on the job but you have to make snap decisions. She’s been saving to go to medical school for years. I didn’t think she’d just give that up.”

“She applied for the Academy before than plan though, so that was probably her second choice.”

Mart huffed and Robert finally gave up trying to care about Sylvie Jackson’s hobbies, putting the paper down.

“I know you don’t want her to do an even more dangerous job than she does now, but it sounds like it’s happening.”

Matt sighed and Robert bit his lip before asking gently. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“What do you mean?” Matt hedged.

Robert had no mercy. “Hallie died seven months ago-”

“I remember.” Matt snapped.

“There’s no shame in needing more time-”

“I love Gabby.”

“I know, but if she becomes a firefighter, that increases the chances that you’ll lose her too.”

Matt didn’t reply and Robert’s heart burned as he said as tactfully as he could. “She’ll understand if you need to take a step back.”

Matt’s voice was thick as he protested.

“I already wasted one chance to be with her. I’m not going to do it again.” He spoke over Robert’s next words. “I won’t break up with her because I’m afraid.”

Robert sighed. “Okay. Just promise me you’ll tell her why you’re wary about her firefighting.”

Matt agreed and they rang off. Robert rubbed his face, groaning.

Park came in. “What’s wrong, boss?”

He glared a little at the sarcastic nick name but didn’t comment. “My brother is being a stubborn idiot.”

Park shrugged. “He’s in love.”

Robert blinked, his brow wrinkling a little; Park’s eyes widened. “What? We’re Facebook friends.”

Robert’s voice went up an octave. “You added my brother on Facebook?”

“Yeah, he never posts anything but his friends are always putting up photos.”

After a moment, Robert shook his head. “Okay well, he’s already lost one love of his life – I don’t want him to lose a second.”

“Is that why you haven’t started dating again?”

Robert frowned. “I’ve dated. And how is this about me all of a sudden?”

Park crossed her arms. “No, I’m afraid what you call dating is just ‘slutting it up’ to everyone else.”

“Hey!” He protested half-heartedly. “I could fire you for that.”

Park didn’t roll her eyes but looked like she wanted to.

Robert huffed. “Yes, at the time I thought Cameron was the one, but I’m over it now.”

“I wasn’t talking about her.” Park rejoined cryptically, slipping out of the office before Robert could respond, or even figure out what she meant…wait.

His stomach squeezed as he thought about it. Was it possible that she wasn’t reading into things? She hadn’t known him when he’d been with Allison but she had been there since before House died. Swallowing harshly, he packed up and headed home.

The questions turned over and over in his mind. Sure, he’d idly admitted to himself that he’d loved House, still did, even if it was all academic now. If Park had noticed the moments he remembered his mentor, his friend, and had attributed that loss to his reluctance to date…maybe she was on to something. Maybe he hadn’t just loved House, maybe he’d been in love with him.

Exhausted, he went to bed with his head in awhirl. His fitful sleep was interrupted, however, by a call in the dead of night. He leapt up and rushed to Chicago, trying not to contemplate losing someone else.


	4. Forgiveness

December 2013

Life had been going well recently, so Matt should have known that it was all going to go to Hell. Waking up with difficulty and seeing his brother’s tired and concerned face set the tone for the following weeks; Matt struggling through rehab and Robert trying not to hover. Whilst Matt now had a lot of sympathy for his brother’s efforts to work through his own rehab after he’d been stabbed, mostly he was frustrated and afraid. Robert tried to placate his worries about being able to return to work but wasn’t an optimist by nature so Matt saw through his attempts.

One night, after a tense dinner, the doorbell went and Matt sat morosely on the couch and listened to Robert answering it. He blinked. He recognized the other voice. Twisting, and wincing a little at the motion, he saw Severide ambling over.

“Severide?” He asked.

His friend smiled. “Heard you were being a sourpuss.”

Matt’s nose wrinkled. “A sourpuss?”

Severide lowered himself onto the couch next to him, replying sarcastically. “Yeah, and I found that so hard to believe I had to come take a look myself.”

Matt looked around but Robert had disappeared.

He frowned. “I’m sorry if recovering from a brain injury has made me a little cranky, but I don’t think my whole future being uncertain is anything to take lightly.

“As if.” Severide snorted. “You? No. You’re going to beat this and come back swinging.”

His easy confidence took Matt’s breath away for a second. Looking more closely, he saw how clear his friend’s eyes were. He wasn’t lying or placating him. He truly believed it.

Matt swallowed and replied thickly. “You don’t know that.”

“If I can come back from a broken neck, you can do it with a broken head. No question.” Severide’s hand landed on his shoulder and rocked him gently as he talked.

Matt found his throat too tight to speak, so he just let out a long breath. Severide smiled and Matt’s stomach fluttered. He looked down, chastising himself. _No, not this again. We’ve moved past this._

Straightening, Severide changed the channel to a hockey game and settled in. It was late, but it wasn’t like Matt had anything to do the next day and Severide wasn’t on shift. After a moment, Matt got himself together and managed to join in heckling the players; thanking his lucky stars that somehow he’d gotten Severide back.

…

The one upside of taking time to support his brother through the rehab process was being able to piss off Gabby without appearing to do it on purpose. Robert wasn’t 100% sure, but he figured that she hadn’t worked out that he knew exactly how much it irritated her to be outshone and out-prioritized. Her rejected offer to move in with Matt to look after him really stung. If she realized that Matt was simply more comfortable relying on family than on friends, then it didn’t matter as much as getting to be a main-player in her loved one’s lives.

Just like with Hallie, Matt hadn’t seemed to notice the antagonism between his brother and his SO, so Robert didn’t bother to mention it. He would outlast her, no question; she didn’t know his brother half as well as she thought she did.

Medically Robert was well-equipped to help Matt recover; emotionally was a different story. He hadn’t been sure how to answer Matt’s half-muttered questions about whether he’d ever be cleared for active duty again, what any long-term effects could be, whether he’d be exactly the same as before. He could give his professional opinion, but that wasn’t what Matt really needed to hear.

Asking his little sister for advice had been surreal but ultimately helpful as she’d suggested he find someone who could get through to Matt. So he’d called in reinforcements and had been glad for Severide’s plain but effective reassurances. He still didn’t like him though.

Something that haunted him though was the injustice of it all. When Robert had been stabbed, it had been partly his own fault. Had he taken better precautions, it would never have happened. Matt, on the other hand, did everything right and still got punished for it. Again and again he got up when he’d been knocked down and Robert both respected and envied that quality. Matt continued to be near-holy in his dedication to helping not only his friends and family, but all the citizens of Chicago.

He saved everyone he could, whereas Robert had once deliberately taken a life. Had gone against God and danced with the Devil. Who was he to have perfect health and a load of money when his brother suffered? Why wasn’t the evil twin punished and the good one rewarded?

Sometimes, he wished he could still pray. Others, he heard a familiar sardonic voice in his head and had to hold back tears at how desperately he wanted to hear it again in real life.

…

Matt had known intellectually that Robert was a better actor than he was. Matt hid his dark past by not speaking about it and discouraging people from asking questions. Whilst Robert never brought anything up about his own past voluntarily, he was able to answer in such a nonchalant and friendly way that not many could spot the white lies, the vague information.

When they’d first met, they’d got drunk and exchanged the worst of their childhood traumas. Matt’s memory of that night wasn’t great, but he thought he remembered most of what was said.

So when he woke up to Robert yelling, Matt ran through what he thought the subject of the nightmare might have been: empty liquor bottles being hurled at him, being left locked in his father’s study overnight, hungry and scared; lying in a hospital bed knowing that no one was coming to visit…Matt hauled himself out of bed and knocked on Robert’s door. There was sniffling but no real answer.

“Rob?” He went in tentatively. “You okay?”

Robert was sitting up, wiping his face and breathing shakily. He tried to say something but Matt didn’t understand it. He went over and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out and putting a hand on Robert’s shoulder.

Robert’s breath hitched and he shook the hand off. “Don’t! I don’t-”

“It’s okay.” Matt held his hands up and kept his voice gentle.

Robert got his breathing under control, muttering. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand.”

Robert laughed mirthlessly, shaking his head. “No, you don’t.”

At Matt’s wrinkled brow, he continued. “You remember when you came to my work and House asked if you were the evil twin?”

Matt nodded, frown deepening.

Robert sniffed. “You’re the good one. Sometimes it makes me angry how good and honest and kind you are. All the shit you’ve been through, keep going through and it’s like it doesn’t touch you.”

Matt’s stomach twisted. “It does affect me and I’m not better than you.”

“You are, you’re the better one. Greg chose right even if he didn’t realize it.”

“Stop it!” Matt interjected sharply; his father’s name like a splinter in his heart. “You are _not evil. _You are not like them.”

‘Them’ being the collection of abusive and neglectful parents they’d been unlucky enough to suffer through.

“Nancy said you weren’t like her, that you don’t have the anger she did.” Robert sighed, sounding exhausted.

Matt’s brow cleared. “You think you do.”

Robert swallowed, gaze fixed on the blanket. “I know I do.”

Matt blinked, watching guardedly as his brother finally looked up. There was something searching in Robert’s eyes, mixed with… Matt’s body went cold. Robert was afraid. Afraid of him? Afraid of what he might do.

“It’s something illegal, isn’t it?”

Robert’s head fell again, shoulders hunched.

“I can’t tell you.” He whispered.

“Yeah, I’d prefer not to be implicated.”

Matt saw a minute movement, a flinch? Cruz’s agonized eyes flashed in his mind’s eye. He cringed to remember how horribly he’d handled that whole fiasco. Whilst he’d had to remain unobligated to report him, his solution of giving Cruz an ultimatum to either quit or turn himself in…Mouch had been right to chew him out, to right his wrong.

They’d almost lost Cruz because Casey hadn’t known how to save him. Who knew that forgiveness from a brother had been what he’d needed? Andy had been dead long enough that Matt had forgotten how powerful a brother’s support could be. No, he’d had Robert so Matt didn’t have any excuse to not realize the solution.

Maybe Robert needed the same…but could Matt give it? He’d understood Cruz’s choice, even if he wouldn’t have made the same one, or so he hoped. There’d been a time he’d been tempted to hit Voight until he couldn’t get up again.

“Sometimes Life gives you impossible choices, decisions you wish you didn’t have to make.”

Robert huffed a sad laugh. “What’s a poet like you doing as a firefighter?”

Matt smiled weakly and watched his brother come to a decision. He got his phone and typed something in. Then he showed Matt the screen. Matt frowned as he read. It was an article about the death of a dictator: Dibala.

Matt had vague memories of it, the more politically minded in the house saying ‘good riddance’.

Robert swallowed and rasped. “He was our- my patient.”

Matt felt his jaw drop a little. Oh. Oh! He looked back at the article, which reported talks of setting up democracy in the country.

“It’s the reason Allison left.” Robert explained, voice small. “She said I was broken and she couldn’t fix me.”

Matt put down the phone, throat dry and hand shaking a little.

After glancing at his brother’s face, his back straightened and he said firmly. “She was wrong.”

Robert didn’t react for a moment, then shook his head, a half-manic laugh bubbling up. “She’s the best person I know, except for you.”

Matt grabbed Robert’s shoulders, ignoring the flinch. He spoke as strongly as he could.

“You are _not _evil. You are not cruel or selfish or uncaring. You heal people for a living, you save people no one else can. And you’ve helped me through some of the worst times of my life.” He shook Robert a little in frustration. “Every day you prove her wrong.”

Robert’s face was slack but his eyes were searching.

“You really…” He sniffed. “You don’t…?” His fingers rubbed against each other like a shy toddler hiding behind their mother.

Finally, he looked up and Matt gathered him in his arms.

“You are a good person and I love you no matter what.”

Robert sobbed and broke down, clinging on desperately. Matt hushed him and rocked them in the midnight hush.


	5. Faces, Old and New

January 2014

Alex Jameson hadn’t seemed like a strong candidate on paper; good grades at med-school but no recommendations from their previous residencies, in fact, they were in the middle of a neurosurgery residency in New York and so wouldn’t get certified if they left.

One thing did stand out though, which had made Robert call them in for an interview. It was the last interview of the day and Robert was tired of discarding perfectly competent doctors because they couldn’t think creatively. Once again, he was wishing he could consult House when Alex walked in.

Tall and sinewy, with long brown hair, they were wearing a pant suit with a silk blouse underneath. They strode into the room, shook Robert’s hand and said firmly.

“My name is Alex Jameson and my preferred pronoun is ‘they’.”

Robert blinked at the boldness, but simply nodded. He started the interview. Alex was quick and concise in their answers to general medical questions though abrasive and defensive when answering questions about their past experience; so much so that Robert thought he could see the shadow of the chip on their shoulder.

Rather than cutting the interview short, Robert sat back, considering the candidate’s behavior.

“Why do you want to join this department?”

Alex shook their hair off their shoulder, the calculated move not getting past Robert’s eagle eye. He’d watched House deflecting and fronting for years, he knew all the tricks.

“It’s unique and a challenge, something I’m not getting in my current position.”

Robert eyed them a moment.

“It’s not as prestigious without House.” He stated, something the other candidates had attempted to deny, trying to flatter him.

Alex shrugged. “Maybe not, but you learned under him and the job is the same, right? Doing things no one else would even consider, concentrating on the mystery, the puzzle.”

“As opposed to the patients?” He finished, working out the main appeal of the job.

“Well you can’t ever escape patients completely.” Alex answered flatly.

“Maybe in Pathology.” Robert offered flippantly.

“I can’t think of anything more boring.” They rejoined and Robert's mind ticked over as he considered the contradiction he'd found in their résumé.

“You volunteer at a free clinic in New York." They nodded, eyes wandering to the items on his desk, most of them left over from House's days. “Full of sick, short-tempered, smelly people-"

"I don't hate people." Alex pursed their lips but then went on. “I’ll do well here, I know it. I thought it wouldn’t matter, how I am, as long as I got results.”

That was House all over, except Robert wasn’t sure how much of Alex’s front was involuntary, justified. Without any more comments, he gave them the same test as everyone else: the first notes and results from an old case and a patient description (relevant and irrelevant details). They DDXed and Alex successfully identified the important details about the patient, eventually arriving at the correct diagnosis after Robert gave them the results of each test they suggested. It was a few steps behind House, but then he couldn’t hold anyone to that standard, except himself.

“Well?” Alex asked as Robert was closing the case file. “Did I get it?”

He considered them. It was certainly a risk, but there was potential there. Feeling old, he nodded.

“Let me get the paperwork sorted but yes, I think you could do well here.”

Alex stared at him for a moment, before their posture sagged and they blew out a breath.

Robert smiled and held out his hand. They shook and made small talk as Robert walked them down to the lobby. Alex revealed a desire to travel Down Under one day, specifically to visit the setting of _The Lord of the Rings_ movies. Robert internally applauded them for not bringing it up during the interview but only commented that he’d never seen them.

Alex had given him a weird look and Robert had the feeling that maybe they would have some things to teach him.

…

Matt only knew Adams a little, but had happily driven over to Princeton for her leaving drinks. Gabby had begged off for some family event though Matt didn’t mind. He knew Robert wasn’t on board with him dating again and didn’t feel like forcing the two together. At the bar was: Robert, Adams, Park, Foreman and Taub. They were already a few drinks in but happily toasted again after Matt joined them.

“To Adams!” They cheered.

She blushed and drank too.

“I’m going to miss you all. Especially you Matt.” She joked.

Park exclaimed. “Yeah, you’re the nice version of boss man.”

“Hey!” Robert mock-protested, nudging Park with a playful elbow when she pulled a face at him.

Adams giggled and said to Matt. “Sometimes I’m not sure which one of them is meant to be the serious leader.”

Matt looked at the pair in question and smiled. Whilst his brother wasn’t a solemn person, he was usually quite closed off and rarely let loose. It was nice to see him so relaxed; was it because he was among friends or because he was in _his_ territory?

From time to time, Matt had contemplated seeing if there were any positions open in a Chicago hospital – though Robert’s current specialty was unique to PPTH. Not because he thought Robert was unhappy in Princeton, but because he thought it would be nice to have him close by, to really include him in the firehouse family. He knew that beyond this group, Robert didn’t have many close friends; not to mention that his sister was half a world away.

Foreman’s proclamation brought him back to the present.

“Well, UNICEF are lucky to have you. Do you know where you’ll be posted?”

As Adams talked about her mission, Matt mostly observed the dynamics of the group. He knew that Taub had a young family – two families according to Park – but the others were single. Robert didn’t talk about going out with them a lot. Matt contemplated suggesting it, or telling his brother to get a hobby. Working out, occasionally having one night stands and reading weren’t the best pastimes to cultivate a healthy emotional life.

He had been worrying about Robert since his tear-filled confession, not sure that his reassurances had been enough to off-set Robert’s dark thoughts, especially his view of himself. It broke Matt’s heart to contemplate Robert going through life seeing himself as something evil. Beyond constantly saying he was a good person, which neither of them would appreciate, he wasn’t sure what else he could do. If Robert could keep busy and find more things he loved doing and people who supported him, maybe he would be able to grow a better view of himself.

Later on in the night, Matt managed to get Foreman on his own and tried to subtly talk about his concerns.

Foreman sighed. “I can’t order him to get a hobby.”

“No, and I’m not expecting you to be more buddy-buddy with him all of a sudden, just, if you think of anything that he might like to try or if you know anyone…”

Foreman nodded. “I’ll see what I can do. I think it’d be good for me too, to get out more.”

Matt smiled a little and then they both got called over to referee a shots game between Park and Adams – Robert and Taub had gone over to the bar and looked deep in conversation.

At Matt’s eyebrow, Foreman chuckled. “Apparently Chase is a child-whisperer. Taub is always bending his ear over some new issue with his daughters.”

This wasn’t exactly a surprise, as Matt knew that Robert had practically raised his little sister, but it did make him think. “Does he ever look after Taub’s daughters?”

Foreman thought a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Matt hummed. Later that night as he and Robert were stumbling into Robert’s apartment, happily tipsy, Matt decided to mention it.

“Taub’s daughters are so cute. You ever babysit them?”

Robert grinned, remembering Matt’s reaction to Taub proudly showing off photos of the girls.

“Not as much anymore, but in the beginning when Taub had no idea what he was doing, yeah I’d help him out.” He shrugged off his jacket and sloped off to the kitchen. “Nightcap?”

“No thanks.” Matt called back, toeing off his shoes and collapsing onto the couch.

Robert reappeared with two glasses of water and the pair settled down, sipping in a comfortable quiet.

“You ever think about having kids?” Matt asked after a while.

Robert sighed heavily, leaning back against the couch cushions. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“You’re not them.” Matt said again.

Robert rolled his head to face him, pain leaking through his expression. “It still wouldn’t be fair to the kid.”

Not knowing how to argue his case without repeating himself, Matt sighed. “I never considered that my childhood would affect my parenting skills.”

“It won’t.” Robert said firmly, having heard the question in Matt’s tone. His brother just stared him down, making Robert continue. “We’re not the same.”

Matt’s guts squirmed. “I think we are.”

“You’re too good for your own good.” Robert insisted, and then blinked.

Matt chuckled. “And you are not a poet.”

“Shuddup, fireman.” Robert rejoined weakly, fatigue sapping his wit.

Matt hauled himself up and helped Robert to bed. He was tempted to bring it up again, but watching Robert smush his face into the pillow, decided against it. Baby steps.

…

Firehouse 51 had a wedding and lost another member on the same day. Matt refused to let Robert drive down, insisting that he was going to be spending all his time supporting Severide and would be completely fine. Although not close friends, Robert could tell that Matt had been saddened by Shay’s death.

His predominant emotion seemed to be worry, however, and in the months that followed, most of their conversations revolved around how Severide still hadn’t returned and Matt questioning whether he should go after him or give him time. Privately, Robert grew bored and frustrated with these circular interactions but considering all Matt had done for him, thought he better bite his tongue and repay the many favors.

It helped that Matt was audibly upset, though he fought to keep his usual stoic tones. Also, he was trying to avoid talking to Gabby about it as she was still taking Shay’s death very hard, so Robert was his only outlet. There was little Robert could offer, just an ear, sympathetic noises and funny stories from work. Park was always getting into awkward situations and Jameson was slowly revealing a killer wit, dropping sardonic comments that caught Robert unawares.

Park had been hinting that she might transfer to another department which Robert was wilfully ignoring, frustrated at how hurt he was by the idea. Matt could sympathise with people you helped train deciding to leave your team, so offered him advice on how to deal with it gracefully.

Eventually, Severide came back and Matt’s life seemed to hit equilibrium again. The first time he was back in Chicago, Robert bought Severide a drink and they shared a silent toast. Matt had wordlessly forgiven Severide all his past sins and although Robert wouldn’t forget them, he didn’t have the heart to hold them against the man any longer. They drank together that night amongst the regular Molly’s crowd, with a new understanding they didn’t have to name.


	6. The Best Person I Know

November 2014

Robert only hummed when Matt told him about Gabby joining his truck company and them putting their relationship on the back-burner. Although he foresaw a break up, and was thankful for that, he knew that it would hurt his brother so was wary of voicing his hope. The memory of his brother holding him as he cried in the middle of the night, telling him he was a good person, was still fresh in his mind.

Anyway, Matt really did love her so it was pointless trying to talk to him about it; if the Chief hadn’t had any success, then Robert wasn’t going to get anywhere. He was proven right a month later and worked to keep his voice solely sympathetic as he comforted Matt over the phone.

Life went on for the both of them: Robert continued to put Alex through their paces, continuing to prove a good choice through their valuable contributions in DDXs and passable beside manner. There had been a few complaints but those people likely would have kicked up a fuss over warmer personalities, so Robert didn’t pay them any mind.

Like him, Alex didn’t have much in the way of family or close friends so he included them in dinners with the old gang. They didn’t exactly hit it off with anyone but no one asked him to stop inviting them so Robert persisted. Sometimes he wondered if House had known about his own loneliness when he’d first started working for him, but he tried not to linger too long on pointless questions.

He was also reluctantly looking for a replacement for Park, who was transferring to Surgery, joking that there wasn’t much room to advance with him hogging the top spot in the Department. He hadn't had much luck so Foreman had suggested he try and manage with just Jameson. Robert grumbled about this to Matt, but couldn’t think of any convincing arguments against it.

He did retaliate by dragging Foreman into the odd DDX though, delighting in shooting down his boss’ ideas and irritating him – just like the old days. Although he was sad to lose Park, she was staying at the hospital so they still remained friends. It wasn’t the same as 51, but Robert had cultivated his little support group at PPTH and hoped to keep it for as long as possible; though as the years went on and Matt was increasingly put in danger, Robert more seriously considered looking for something in Chicago.

About a year after the breakup, Matt and Gabby were back together and she was pregnant. Robert travelled over, ostensibly to wish them well but really to do some recon. Severide was as useless as always but Robert cut him a little slack for dropping the ball as he was still grieving for Shay.

His casual questioning of 51 members yielded no useful results, though he’d managed to find an ally in the chief. Whilst he didn’t want to get Matt into trouble, he had expressed a careful lack of enthusiasm about his brother’s relationship when talking to the big man and received a calculating look in return.

“Yes, well, married couples are not permitted to work in the same house. Tends to lead to trouble.”

“I suppose these things have a way of working themselves out.” Robert said neutrally.

Boden considered him before huffing. “In my experience, yes, that’s true.”

“Well, that might be better for everyone. In the long run.”

Boden raised his beer bottle and took a pull, Robert nodding in turn. They didn’t mention it again but Robert felt a little better at having someone like-minded keeping an eye on the situation.

…

Matt was in a fog. He could still see and hear things but thinking was so difficult. Vaguely, he knew that he was sitting and someone was next to him, but other details slipped away from him. Then, he looked up and saw himself.

_No. Robert. _

He looked terrible, tired eyes wide and searching. Matt choked as it all came back to him. Robert helped him up and into a hug; Matt’s arms heavy and clunky as they gripped back. His brother was saying something but Matt couldn’t make out the words. He got the gist though and nodded a little, still holding on.

Sometime later, he came back to himself more and was told that Gabby would be waking up soon. He managed to reassure Robert that he’d be fine to sit with her by himself; so took up his seat, waiting. The day passed with the added horror of almost losing Gabby too. Then she stabilized and Robert drove him home.

“You won’t last much longer without a meal and a nap.” He’d pointed out flatly when Matt had tried to refuse.

He got Matt to force down some food and sent him off to bed. Matt didn’t even protest when Robert stayed on the edge of his bed, waiting for him to drop off.

The firehouse network ensured that someone stayed at the hospital to relate news so Robert got some messages from Mouch and Brett, mostly ‘no change’. He lay down on the couch but didn’t try to sleep; instead staring at the ceiling, considering praying. If only to ask God what the Hell he thought he was doing.

Slowly, he became aware that Matt was awake. He got up reluctantly and was hardly surprised to be proven right. Matt didn’t even glance at him, only squinted a little in the light from the hallway.

Robert settled back on the bed beside him and was still unsurprised when Matt murmured. “They keep dying…or they leave.”

Robert worked his hand under the sheets to clasp one of Matt’s.

“I’m sorry.” He offered; hardly able to refute Matt’s statement – as bleak as it was.

“I miss them.” Matt whispered.

Remembering something Matt mentioned about Hallie, Robert shifted so he could reach out and run a hand through Matt’s hair. Matt didn’t react for a moment, but then sniffed and curled onto his side. Robert changed position so he was sitting back against the headboard, pulling Matt half onto his lap, fingers gently massaging his scalp.

Neither of them spoke again until morning.

…

When Matt called him and said he was running for Alderman, Robert thought he was joking. It had been a few months since the miscarriage and though Robert had been visiting as many weekends as he could, this had come out of nowhere.

“Wait, what?”

Matt coughed. “Yeah, our Alderman is corrupt and I thought, why couldn’t I do better?”

Robert frowned. “Really? You just thought you would run for public office, all by yourself?”

“Why wouldn’t I have? I could really help people-”

“By balancing budgets and rubbing shoulders with politicians? Matt, you go out of your way not to socialize with people like that. You don’t even like mixing too much with CFD brass.”

“It’s not a question of what I want, but of what I could do.”

“Matt.” Robert’s voice was flat, but insistent. “Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is know your limits.”

“You don’t think I could do it?”

Robert was undeterred. “Being a good politician takes more than heart. You need to know how to play the game or they’ll bury you.”

“I owe it to people-”

“You don’t owe anyone, anything.” Robert cut in, angry now. “And anyone who tells you different is _not _your friend.”

Matt froze, tongue heavy in his mouth.

Robert sighed. “You are one of the best people I know, but you’re not Superman. Don’t burn yourself out trying to save everyone.”

Matt couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Promise me you’ll think it over again? Before you sign anything.”

Matt let out a long breath. “Yeah, yeah I’ll do that.”

Sounding regretful, Robert went on. “I love you, you know that?”

Throat tight, Matt choked out. “Yeah, no, I love you too.” He breathed in, feeling more steady. “Thank you for honesty, as always.”

“Take care, Matt.”

“I will, you too.” Matt hung up and went to the window, turning it over in his mind.

As a firefighter, he often had to do things he didn’t want to do, things which went against his instincts, but overall he loved the job, he was good at it. Sure there were times he felt afraid or troubled or anxious, but he had the house’s support – whether he used it or not – and more often he felt fulfilled and light.

Would it be the same in the political sphere? Gabby had assured him that he could do it, that she’d support him, but would her belief and love be enough? The pragmatic, slightly cynical side of Matt said ‘no’. He thought about Gabby’s wide eyes as she’d implored him to do it and be a force of positive change.

_You don’t owe anyone, anything._

Matt wanted to help people, wanted to be a good alderman, but he was self-aware enough to know that he couldn’t do it, didn’t know how. Plus, Robert was right; he couldn’t save everyone. It was something all first-responders learned. If you forget it, you could die trying.

Alderman Casey: it was a nice idea, but wouldn’t work in reality. That’s what he told Gabby.

Her brow furrowed. “But I thought you were on board with this?”

“I thought about it some more and decided it’s not me. I wouldn’t be able to do it right.”

“So what? You’re not even going to try? You could do so much good.”

“Come on, Gabby. I can barely get through this job without offending the brass somehow, I’m not the right person.”

She was fervent in her reply. “Matt, you are one of the best people I know – you can do anything. These people need someone like you. Are you really going to turn your back on them because…what? You’re scared?”

Matt stared at her a long moment. She winced and opened her mouth but he interrupted.

“You don’t think I do enough to help people?”

Her look turned reproachful. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Isn’t it?”

His sharpness seemed to surprise her. She leant back a little, eyes darting over his face.

“Matt? Don’t you know how amazing you are? How much I love you?” She cupped his face and he let her, tension still clinging to his shoulders. As she pressed herself against him though, her scent and warmth relaxed him a little.

He sighed. “I know. I just worry sometimes.”

Her eyebrows creased in concern and he explained hoarsely. “I worry that I’m not good enough for you.”

“Matt.” She breathed, kissing him firmly. “You’re everything I need.”

They kissed again. When they pulled apart, she sighed. “I know you can do it and I would be with you every step of the way.”

At the clench his jaw though, she relented. “But either way, I love you.”

He managed a smile and they spent the rest of the evening cuddling in front of the TV.

Matt’s stomach churning all the while; why didn’t he believe her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the ending bums you out, just remember, it's set up for part 3. Matt isn't quite ready to see what Robert sees in Gabby, but he will, I promise!  
Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!  
:D


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